What Are You!
by StrawberryGreen
Summary: Harry suspects there is something wrong with Draco Malfoy- someone so perfect just can't be human- and decides to find out what exactly he is. Oneshot. Warnings: mild slash, language.


**Written this morning (er, night?) when a plot giraffe spat on me. Mmhmm.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

:::

Harry looked over at the other side of the classroom and frowned. There had always been something... different about Malfoy. Nobody could have skin that smooth, hair that blonde, lips that perfect, and be completely human, he decided. It just wasn't possible. It was really starting to annoy him that no one else had noticed these strange circumstances that so obviously pointed to Malfoy being 'different'.

_Well that settles it_, Harry thought. _If no one else will bother to see what's plainly in front of them, I will have to figure it out on my own and do the world some justice!_

Yes, there was certainly something off about Draco Malfoy.

And Harry was determined to find out what it was.

*

Harry had done something he was sure Hermione would be very proud of. He had made a list. What kind of list, you ask? A list entitled: Things Malfoy could be (since he's obviously not human). The first thing on his list was Veela, with a star next to it. Harry thought that this was, by far, his best idea. It made perfect sense. Malfoy hit all of the Veela checkpoints. Beautiful, check. Blonde, check. Captures your attention and will not let go of it, check. The boy had it all.

Harry knew just how to find out if the boy really was Veela. They say that if a Veela kisses his mate, he will be forever attached to them and will never leave their side. Now, it didn't occur to Harry that even if Malfoy was a Veela, they might not be mates. Never even crossed his mind. So he set off in search of the boy (Veela!) and was joyed when he found him in the courtyard, leaning against a tree and talking to some of his friends.

Harry marched over to the blonde, gathering his courage. It wasn't as if he _wanted_ to kiss Malfoy, that would be absurd, but he had to do what he had to do in order to save the Wizarding World from one Draco Malfoy and his not-normalness. He ignored the disdainful "hello, Scarface" and walked straight over to Malfoy, grabbed him by the hair, and pressed their lips together in a slightly rough kiss. Malfoy stood motionless for a moment before he started to struggle against the brunette who was holding him pinned to the tree. He managed to maneuver his arms in between them and shoved away forcefully, finally detaching the other boy from him. Harry studied his face closely and walked backwards slowly, looking for that pain that would surely come from Malfoy being away from his Veela 'mate'. He was startled when a fist came flying at his face. He jumped back and began walking away faster now.

"Ahh- Malfoy, just one thing, why is your hair so blonde?"

Malfoy growled at him and began to pull out his wand. Harry panicked.

"Er, sorry, just... testing a theory, heheh..."

Once he was safely away from the angered Malfoy, he got out his list, and crossed out 'Veela'.

_Guess I'll just have to try something else, then._

*

Werewolf was written underneath Veela. Harry looked up from his lunch, spotting Malfoy just walking through the door. He sprung out of his seat and walked over to him.

"Isn't it a full moon tonight, Malfoy?"

"And how exactly would I know that, Potter? I don't keep track of such mundane things, you know." Malfoy sneered at him.

"Are you sure about that?"

Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "What are you playing at, Potter?"

Harry didn't answer, and decided that he could find out if Malfoy was a werewolf by kissing the other boy. Again. He didn't know why all of his plans so far required snogging the other boy, but they did. He bent down and pressed his lips against Malfoy's again. Apparently Malfoy was even less pleased with this than he had been the first time, as Harry gathered from the fist to his face.

_Damn, wrong again_, he cursed himself. _What's next...?_

*

Harry checked his list again. Vampire.

_Well, that's going to be almost too easy_, Harry thought, shaking his head. He stepped into the Potions classroom and sat down just one table away from Malfoy, so that his plan would be easier to execute. He waited until Snape had set them the task of creating a Potion and got out his knife, shifting away from Seamus, his partner, in his seat and moving his right arm towards the Slytherin's table. He brought the knife down sharply and cut a gash in the palm of his hand, ignoring the jolt of pain.

"Oh no! I have just cut myself and there is _BLOOD!_ EVERYWHERE! _BLOOD_!" He stared at Malfoy, trying to judge his reaction and see if he jumped out of his seat and started sucking the blood out of his hand.

Malfoy was giving him a look as though he were insane. Which he wasn't, thank you very much! He just knew there was something not right about Malfoy, and he would get to the bottom of it, dammit!

"Mr. Potter." Harry looked up, startled, to see Snape looming ominously over his desk like a vulture. A vulture! "Is there a problem here?" the Professor asked, black eyes glaring at him.

"Err-" he glanced at his bleeding hand, "no, sir. Just testing a theory."

Snape arched a brow, and gave him a look before strutting off in a very vulture-like way. Harry glared at his back, and then turned back to Malfoy, who was glaring warily at him. Harry wiggled his hand a little closer to Malfoy's desk, eyes not leaving the other boy's.

"Will you get that away from me?" Malfoy hissed at him, eying the hand.

"Why?"

"How can someone be so daft?! Potter, you're going to get blood on my things!"

"And?"

"_What is wrong with you?! _First you snog me- twice! And you're asking me about full moons, and blood, and my _hair_-"

Harry tuned out the rest of his rant, his mind taking over. _Maybe he's not affected by my blood... because he's only drawn to one? Or female blood... Maybe- but no, it can't be._ He looked over at Pansy Parkinson, sitting next to Malfoy, who was still ranting, and tried to see if there were any telling marks on her neck. He was craning his neck and halfway out of his seat when he heard Malfoy's voice. "Are you _listening _to me, Potter?"

"Hm?" He looked down at the obviously irate Malfoy. "Yeah, whatever."

Malfoy glared at him menacingly, then went back to his potion. Harry sat back down in his seat, ignoring everyone around him who were giving him very odd looks.

By the end of class, he had not only manged to give both himself and Seamus failing grades on that potion, but he had lost Gryffindor fifty points and gotten a detention as well. The moment Snape let them go, Harry rocketed out of the classroom, wanting to be waiting when the Slytherins left. He had to check something. In small groups, people walked out of the room, most giving him odd looks, and finally Malfoy and Parkinson stepped into the hallway, talking about one thing or another. Harry's hand shot out and grabbed Parkinson's arm, yanking her toward him and pushing her head back lightly, examining her neck closely for any signs of puncture wounds. A moment later, Parkinson was shrieking with all her might, and someone had grabbed the back of his robes and pulled backward, causing him to topple over and onto the floor. He frowned.

"What was that for?!"

Malfoy looked down at him with wide eyes, bewilderment and anger written all over his face.

"Seriously? _Seriously_? You attacked Pansy, you arse!"

Harry's jaw dropped open, and he stood up. "I did not!"

"What do you call what you just did, then?" Malfoy bellowed at him.

"I was checking a theory!"

"What the bloody fuck are these 'theories' you keep going on about?!"

"I can't tell you!"

"And why not?"

"Because, they're about you!"

The hallway fell silent. Malfoy recoiled slightly in shock. "W-what?"

Harry sighed, frustrated. "You're obviously not human, so I need to find out what you really are!"

"Not human?"

"Not. Human."

"Why on _earth_ would you think such a thing? My blood is perfectly pure!"

"You are not normal! What other reason would there be for your perfectly smooth, creamy white skin, fine blonde hair, rose-petal lips, lithe frame, the perfect amount of muscle, not too much but still there..." he trailed off, hoping that Malfoy did not need any more evidence, though he could go on for days and days.

Pansy's mouth had dropped open by now, and Malfoy looked frozen. Harry rolled his eyes at them.

"Obviously, it makes sense, you're too perfect to be human, and-"

Harry's explanation was cut short by another mouth on his, and his back being pressed against the wall. He responded immediately to the mouth, and opened his eyes to see Malfoy's perfect features so close. He pulled away after a moment.

"Malfoy- you're going to give me whatever kind of 'perfect' disease you have!" Harry protested. Draco smiled at him.

"I think you've already gotten it."

:::

**Yupp.**

**Review?**


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